Fuck Yeah Atheism

Atheists believe in good.

1. HUMAN: If you're a masochist in life but a good person, wouldn't hell be a reward and heaven a punishment?
GOD: Oh, don’t worry. You can get plenty of groovy BDSM action in Heaven, if that’s what you’re into. And I should know…I love that stuff. My safe-word? Harder!
2. HUMAN: Why do our precious adorable children have to grow up into asshole teenagers?
GOD: How else would they become asshole adults?!?
3. HUMAN: God-- why are butterflies called butterflies, when they don't resemble butter?
GOD: In the olden days, people believed that these bugs would flutter into your house and steal milk. So they named them ‘butter-flies.’ They were right, of course. It might be pretty, but never trust a butterfly. If a butterfly could, it’d kill your whole family for just a little hit of dairy.
4. HUMAN: God. What happens if Pinnochio says "my nose will grow now"?
GOD: He dies. Instantaneous implosion.
5. HUMAN: Did Jesus' half brothers and sisters go to therapy because they could never live up to their big brother?
GOD: Live up to what? Getting publicly executed? In their minds, Jesus was the black sheep of the family. Hanging with thieves and hookers, spreading mass hysteria, talking like a nutcase…quite frankly they were all relieved to see him go.
6. HUMAN: In the Big Bang, whom exactly did you bang?
GOD: Okay, are you ready for this? Myself. That's right, I was choking the bishop, chafing the carrot, you know, saying "hi" to My monster! Ahem. Anyway…I’d appreciate it if you didn’t tell anyone. Thank you.
7. HUMAN: Why do people grow more intolerant of one another as the Internet connects us more closely together?
GOD: People are no different than they’ve ever been…stupid as all shit. The Internet just makes it possible for you to see just how far down the abyss of human stupidity goes. Try not to drown.
Church Person: You should come to our Church one day. You'll have a blast and maybe you'll find God!
Me: Nah
k1k1chan:

The selfish shibe

k1k1chan:

The selfish shibe

HI, sorry but I was just looking for a blog to let out an atheist rant. I’m not one to get so easily hot and bothered when it comes to religion, I just don’t care for it, but this just erked my nerve. So I’m at work and this lady comes into my office (she’s my boss’ friend) and compliments me on studying at a university. (She was speaking to my boss beforehand.) I say thank you, and as I’m about to ask what I could help her with she says that there is no religion in school. Tells me I’m going to hell unless I join Christianity then and there (literally) and when I tell her I’m a non-practicing catholic (out of courtesy of not wanting to say atheist), he exclaims “Perfect! Now you have a choice!” What was that choice? Staying “catholic” or joining Christianity, because then she started praying and telling me to accept Jesus as the lord and savior. blah blah blah. Made me repeat some bible verse, and got my number, from my boss, to call me for ‘prayer time’. She says she’s going to check up on me to see if I’ve joined a CHRISTIAN church yet.(She even told me that the decion upset my catholic parents but it’s OK.) Lastly, she gives me a bible.

Why can’t I give her a science book, recite the big bang theory out, and tell her to shove it, cause that’s basically Christianity.

Ugggggg.

My boss isn’t even religious, how did I get stuck with her friend?!

i was raised a jehovah's witness. it was utter bullshit. i had no fun in my childhood. no birthdays, no holidays. was singled out in school, totally isolated, ridiculed. JWs are absolutely insane and INCREDIBLY stupid. when i was a teenager i cut religion out of my life entirely cuz it caused me so much shame. now i speak out about my religious upbringing to keep others informed. i was simply "agnostic" for quite some time, but i've been an out & proud atheist a year or two. love the blog btw.
since you asked….

i was raised in a fundamentalist Christian household. Without getting into too much detail I had 4 broken bones in my childhood that my parents refused to treat, take me to a hospital or even a doctor for because “Jesus will heal you”. obviously, this caused life-long complications for which i paid for as an adult. when i was 16 and started to question the logic of the bible, 2 preachers came to my house, pulled me out & accused me of “witchcraft” because i was reading “The Mists of Avalon” and threatened me that if i didn’t do what they said, they’d tell my parents i was practicing witchcraft (for which they would kick me out or worse, send me to a mental health facility) none of it was true. Then a year later i was sent to an exclusive Christian Camp where they employed actual brain washing techniques. They kept teenagers all night without food, drink or being able to go to the bathroom with a man at a podium screaming at us about the evils of secular music. we were not allowed to leave until enough girls, *specifically* girls came forward & confessed to practicing witchcraft. i refused to go forward because i never practiced it. i have no idea why this particular group of fundies was so hung up on witchcraft, but it was a hunt & it was scary. 

the older i got, the more scared i became of them & the more i questioned the so called truths i’d been taught. the more i questioned, the more i was ostracized. the more i was ostracized the less i believed. it took many years but i finally came to the realization that i was an atheist and that wasn’t a bad word. i was ok with it. in fact, i was far more comfortable with being labeled an atheist than as a christian. 

at first my father was furious and told me that if i didn’t baptize my daughter she’d go to hell and that i had to raise her in a church “for her own good” i calmly refused & explained why. and amazingly, over the years, he’s actually come to see it my way. he told me just last weekend that he’s come to believe that religion is the cause of all evil. 

so, i suppose that’s progress.